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• The Marvellous Puppet Show : Near the start of the One Act Play , End of One Act Play

The Marvellous Puppet Show, translated by Oxford University Playwriting and Dramaturgy Soc.

Near the start of the One Act Play

Context:

[Note: For this production, we removed the character of Pedro Capacho, dividing his lines among the other men as appropriate. We also changed Juana’s name to Cristina, as she was a recurring character in the other two short plays presented with this one, The Jealous Old Man and The Watchdog, and we kept her in the same costume as the same girl in all three.]

Sample text

Enter BENITO, and JUAN, who are greeted extravagantly by CHANFALLA, who assumes that they are in charge, until he sees the GOVERNOR behind them.

CHANFALLA:

I kiss your majesties’ hands. Which one of your lordships is the Governor?

GOVERNOR:

I am the Governor. What is it that you want, my good man?

CHANFALLA:

If I had two ounces of sense, I could not have been so stupid as to not have realised that the extravagant and generous presence before me could be no one but the illustrious overlord of this incomparable town. I am amazed that you are no less a man than I had imagined. Your subjects are lucky to have you in charge.

CHIRINOS:

And so is Mrs Governor, and all the little Governors, if your mercy is blessed to have them.

GOVERNOR:

(uncomfortably, she - CHIRINOS - is flirting.) I am not married.

CHIRINOS:

Well, whenever you may have them; it is still not so late.

GOVERNOR:

I see. And what do you want here, honoured man?

CHIRINOS:

May each of your days be honoured, and by your long life honour us; for, as the oak tree gives the gift of acorns, the pear tree gives pears, and the vine gives grapes, so does the honoured man give honour to those all around him, as he is unable to do anything else.

BENITO:

A Ciceroniancan statement if ever I heard one.

JUAN:

Ciceronian, our good mayor Benito means to say.

BENITO:

In matters of state my statements are precise, but here on the street my tongue comes undone. What is it that you want, my good man?

CHANFALLA:

I, my lords, am Montiel of the River Jordan, he who brings the Marvellous Puppet Show. I represent a charity whose chief aim is the smooth running of the local hospitals, and whose main source of revenue is theatrical spectacle. As there was no theatre director of any talent in the business, up until now our art has been suffering, and as a result so do the orphans and our sick brothers in the hospital. With such wonders as I shall show you, however, surely you will be moved to awe and generosity, and our poor infirmed countrymen will suffer no more.

GOVERNOR:

What do you mean, the Marvellous Puppet Show?

CHANFALLA:

For the marvellous things that it shows, it has been called by its loyal fans the Marvellous Puppet Show. The great puppeteer Tontonelo, with intricate calculations, observations, and machinations, has composed a spectacle of such marvellous sights and sounds, using his knowledge of astrology and geology, (aside) (and a whole lot of other ‘ologies that are sure to impress even you). BUT! No one who has a drop of Jewish blood, or who has not been born of parents locked in legitimate matrimony – no one who suffers these all-too-common contagions – shall be able to see, or hear, the wonders of my show.

BENITO:

Every day of my life I see something new in this world. And you say it was this fine magician Tarantino who invented it?

CHIRINOS:

He who is called Tontonelo, born in the city of Tontonela, and if his fame were as his beard, it would extend all the way to his belt.

BENITO:

It is widely known that men with long beards are wise, and great wizards always have long beards.

GOVERNOR:

Juan Castrado, good alderman, I have an idea. As today we have celebrated the marriage of the lovely Cristina, your daughter and my niece, to add to the festivities, I want this Mr Montiel to perform in your house.

JUAN:

If you think it’s a good idea, it would be an honour, (mutters) despite the consequences.

CHIRINOS:

Of little consequence will be our fee; but if you don’t pay us before we perform, you won’t see even our smallest puppet. And sirs, and good aldermen, are you men of consciences and souls in your breasts? What would we say to the poor orphans if the whole town burst in tonight at Juan Castrado’s, (if that’s your name) and saw the whole show, so that tomorrow when we want to perform in the town square, not a soul would attend? No, sirs, no, sirs: you must pay us ante omnia.

BENITO:

Who’s Antonia? No Antonia or Antonio is going to pay our share; Mr Juan Castrado will pay you more than honourably, and if not, the Council will.

GOVERNOR:

(Cutting BENITO off before he embarrasses himself further.) Damn me, Benito, I’m afraid you’re mistaken The lady director did not say that any Antonia would pay for us, but that she wants to be paid first and foremost, and that’s what ante omnia means.

BENITO:

Look, Mr Governor, I can only understand plain talk, and you, who are both well-read and written, can understand these ostensible words, but I can’t.

JUAN:

Now then, will our good director be contented with these six ducats as a downpayment? You needn’t worry about people from off the street coming in to see the show. I can assure you that I am always careful not to allow any such rabble into my house, and tonight shall be no exception.

CHANFALLA:

I am content. I have faith in the diligence of your worship and your noble family.

JUAN:

Then come with me to my house, where you will receive the rest of the money, and there you and your puppets can perform in comfort.

CHANFALLA:

Let’s go, but make sure that all of you who dare to see the marvellous show remember the conditions that must be met.

BENITO:

I’ll take care of that side. For my part I feel quite safe in this test. I haven’t got a drop of Jewish blood. My father was the mayor of this town before me; four generations of our Christian family have lived in the same house in this town for as long as I can remember. I won’t have any problems seeing the show.

JUAN:

Well, none of us will, Benito; none of us was born in a barn either.

GOVERNOR:

I’m assured it will be very entertaining, my good mayors.

JUAN:

Let’s go, director! For Juan Castrado they call me, son of Anton Castrado and Juana Macha, and I am confident that I will be able to stand face to face with these puppets.

CHIRINOS:

I wouldn’t doubt it for a moment.

JUAN, BENITO and CHANFALLA exit.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Marvellous Puppet Show by Oxford University Playwriting and Dramaturgy Soc. is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

End of One Act Play

Context:

[Chanfalla and Chirinos describe a whole host of magical, invisible puppets, ranging from the Biblical Samson threatening to pull down the ancient Temple to a raging bull who comes charging through the audience, mice of all colours and sizes who threaten to run up the girls’ skirts and finally, rain falling from the sky...]

Sample text

CHANFALLA:

And now, this water that so elegantly falls from the clouds above is from the fountain that gives origin and beginning to the River Jordan. Every woman’s face it touches will begin to shine like silver, and each man’s beard it touches will turn to pure gold.

CRISTINA:

Do you hear that, my friend? Uncover your face, a little of that would be good for you. (Sticking out her tongue to catch the rain.) And, it’s delicious! Cover up your head, Father, so you don’t get wet.

JUAN:

We’re all covering ourselves, daughter.

BENITO:

The water is running right down my back and out of my drainpipe.

JUAN:

Ask me if I have ever been drier!

GOVERNOR: (Aside.)

What devilishness can this be, for still I haven’t been touched by a single drop, and everyone else is soaked! Could it be that I’m really a bastard?

BENITO:

Get that musician away from me! If you don’t I swear you’ll not see his miserable face again. Damn you to hell for your devilish music! How are you even making such a din?

RABELIN:

Mr Mayor, don’t hit me, for I play just as it has served God to teach me.

BENITO:

God taught you to play like that? Get yourself hidden behind that curtain, you wretch, or by God I’ll throw this bench at you!

RABELIN:

I think the devil brought me to this town.

JUAN:

(A really rubbish faker.) Fresh is the water of the saintly River Jordan; and, although I covered up as well as I could, still some of the water reached my moustache, and I swear that it has turned blonde as a gold mine.

BENITO:

Looks fifty times worse to me.

CHIRINOS:

There go up to two dozen rampant lions and honey-crazed bears! Every living thing is in danger! Their fangs are like Hercules’ unsheathed swords. The fantasy has become a nightmare!

JUAN:

Eh, Mr Director, is it your intention to fill my house with bears and lions?

BENITO:

Look what dragons and lions this Tontonelo has sent us, instead of some nice puppy dogs or duckies! Mr Director, can’t you send us some more agreeable animals, or we will be content with the puppets you’ve already presented, and let God guide you straight out of town!

CRISTINA:

Mayor Benito, please let him bring out some more, as a treat for us girls, because we like them so well! Especially the lions and tigers and bears!

JUAN:

Oh my! But daughter, before you were so afraid of the mice, and now you want bears and lions?

CRISTINA:

Anything new gives pleasure, father.

CHIRINOS:

This little lady, who now reveals herself to be so charming and so poised, is called Salome, the daughter of Herod, whose sensational dancing lost John the Baptist his head. If there is anyone who dares dance with her, you’ll see wonders.

BENITO:

That’s more like it! Oh, yeah, baby, (catcalling) strut your stuff! Son of a bitch, how she moves! Rabelin, drop that ridiculous instrument and help her out, that’s just what this party needs!

RABELIN:

I’d love to, Mr Benito!

The zarabanda sounds.

JUAN:

(Failing to sound convincing again.) By my Grandfather, if it isn’t the old dance of the Zarabanda!

BENITO:

Eh Rabelin, don’t let that Jewish wench throw you around! But, if she’s a Jew, how can she see these marvellous puppets?

CHANFALLA:

All rules have their exception, Mr Mayor.

A trumpet sounds, or a cornet, within the theatre, and a QUARTERMASTER appears.

QUARTERMASTER:

Who here is the Governor?

GOVERNOR:

I am. Can I help you, sir?

QUARTERMASTER:

I require the immediate accommodation of thirty soldiers who are on their way here right now, that’s their trumpet. (Salutes.) I gotta go.

He goes.

BENITO:

I suppose that the wise wizard Tontonelo has sent these ’soldiers’ as well.

CHANFALLA:

Actually, no, that’ll be the company of infantrymen who we passed on our way into town.

BENITO:

Now I know this Tontonelo’s tomfoolery too well; and I also know that you and your little lady here are just a pair of rogues, even the tiny musician is a villain in disguise, and look here, all of you; I order you to tell Tontonelo not to dare to send in these soldier puppets, for if he does, I will give them two hundred lashes on their backsides, if I see even one of them.

CHANFALLA:

I assure you, Mr Mayor, that these men are not sent by Tontonelo!

BENITO:

I assure you that Tontonelo has sent them, just as he has sent the rest of the circus that I have seen here today.

JUAN:

We all have seen it, Mr Benito.

BENITO:

I’m not saying you haven’t, Castrado. You little nightmare, stop playing that music, or I’ll bash your skull.

The QUARTERMASTER returns.

QUARTERMASTER:

Eh, are the billets ready? My men are outside.

BENITO:

So your Tontonelo is up to more of his tricks, is he? I swear to God, you fraud with your smoke and mirrors, you’ll pay for the trouble you’ve caused me!

CHANFALLA:

Hey, be my witnesses that the Mayor is threatening me.

CHIRINOS:

And be my witnesses that the Mayor said that the wizard Tontonelo has taken over command of His Majesty’s army.

BENITO:

I’ll tontonelo you, God almighty!

GOVERNOR:

For my part I actually think these soldiers are probably not puppets.

QUARTERMASTER:

You wonder if His Majesty’s infantrymen are puppets, Mr Governor? Are you in your right mind?

JUAN:

They very well could be Tontonelo’s doing; just like all of these things we have seen here. By your life, Mr. Director, make the lovely lady Salome come out again, because this gentleman has certainly never seen the likes of her before. (aside) Maybe we can use her as a bribe to get him out of here quickly!

CHANFALLA:

All in good time, and look, here she comes! She’s waving to her dancing partner to help her perform once again.

RABELIN:

I won’t let her down!

BENITO:

Finally, you’re good for something. Go on and tire her out, swing her around! Oh, no, let her lead, she’s strong as an ox! Go, go, again, again!

QUARTERMASTER:

Are you people mad? What devil’s mistress is this here, and what hoochy-coochy dance is she doing? Who’s this lawless Tontonelo?

GOVERNOR:

So, you don’t see Herod’s damsel who is dancing over there, Officer?

QUARTERMASTER:

What devilish woman am I supposed to be seeing?

BENITO:

Then that’s it! He’s a Jew!

GOVERNOR:

He’s a bastard for sure! He’s one of them!

JUAN:

He’s one of them! The Quartermaster is one of them! He’s one of them!

QUARTERMASTER:

I’m born of the same Christian whore as the rest of you lot, and, by Christ, if I have to get out my sword, you’ll all be leaving by the window, and not by the door!

JUAN:

That proves it. He’s Jewish!

BENITO:

It’s proven! He must be a bastard if he can’t see anything!

QUARTERMASTER:

You’re the damn Jews! If you say ‘he’s one of them’ one more time, you’ll be carrying your ears home in your hat.

BENITO:

I can always tell Jews and bastards; they are always so rough and threatening! And this is why we won’t stop saying ‘he’s one of them, he’s one of them’!

QUARTERMASTER:

To hell with these peasants ... just you wait!

He draws his sword and fights with them. BENITO beats RABELIN while CHIRINOS takes down the curtain.

CHIRINOS:

These soldiers must be the work of the devil. You’d think he blew that trumpet to call them in!

CHANFALLA:

Well, I suppose that’s the end of the Marvellous Puppet Show. Well improvised, my friend, we saved our skins and lined our pockets once again! Long Live Chirinos and Chanfalla!

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Marvellous Puppet Show by Oxford University Playwriting and Dramaturgy Soc. is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Entry written by Kathleen Jeffs. Last updated on 4 October 2010.

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